Sometimes the New Year can be so nice. A fresh start after all the cookies, booze, junk food -over indulging at its finest. Everyone is ready to change to be the “new” them, the skinnier version of themselves, the more organized, the more present version of themselves. I ask, “What is wrong with the current version of you?” Wanting to change ad making goals for yourself is awesome, trust me i do it every year, well every month honestly. The problem lies when we beat ourselves up for not living up to this “goal” or “image” you envisioned for yourself. Listen this is YOU, you are learning and you may seem like you failed or didn’t keep up with the latest diet you tried, but you didn’t. You TRIED! These are all baby steps in the walk of life, and many years i blew off baby steps i was like who cares that i did ‘that’ I should have done ‘This’. Well no, we have it all wrong. No one ever woke up one morning and said hey i would love to be 60 pounds lighter today and did it that day , they took small steps everyday of their life to make a change. One baby step after another till yes one did they woke up and to their surprise they did indeed loose that 60 pounds ( or whatever your goal may be) Now no one will applaud you for your baby steps everyday. We only get the attention when we get to the end result – “Oh wow you look fantastic” etc. The only person you can rely on everyday to be your best cheerleader and supporter is YOU. YOU are all you got. So please i beg of you, love yourself today and tell yourself daily how good of a job YOU are doing, and for the love of God STOP beating yourself up everyday of your life! Instead of a making a list of gyms you should sign up for – i made a list of some things i do daily to stop the self abuse and self negative talk and self sabotage.
A few New Years Resolutions you should give a try.
1. Stop saying the word SHOULD.
I heard this years ago and i was blown away. Saying I should do this or i should do that leaves you with nothing but anxiety and despair. It’s a downward spiral from there. “I should have exercised and I didn’t now I’m gonna be a fat slob, and ill never meet a partner, and ill never have kids and ill die alone “ See! Just an example of how it will just get you no where. It wont help you in any way! Say to yourself, I’m doing exactly what i am supposed to be doing at this every point in my life and will exercise the next opportunity i get. Our minds play the worst tricks of all on us.
2. Comparing yourself to others
God. Literally this is my life. Huge eye roll here. There we sit happy as can be thinking we look great and we worked so hard for it and BAM we see someone or go on social media and see someone who “looks so much better then us” and we begin the self hatred. It’s Horrible!!! Why do we do it. Why aren’t we good enough. Well guess what you are, and so am i. We just made up these guidelines in our head of what looks good and we never seem to be on that list. It’s insanity! Here is a little tidbit i recently read in a book. Years ago when bigger curvy models were in, people looked only at the models and their bodies, because they were curvy and buxom, that no one was looking at the clothes! So marketing companies decided to start using extremely thin (no boobs no curves)models so that people would look at the clothing they were trying to sell rather then the model! Interesting huh. If you find yourself getting caught up in the bull shit of comparing, remember, they shit like the rest of us. No I’m just kidding.. haha. You need to either step away from phone or simply say wow she looks good and leave it at that. Don’t go down the slippery slope of self hatred. Trust been there 1 zillion times – and probably a zillion more but now I’m aware and I’m working on it. Easier said then done, but know your not alone.
3. Compliment other Women or Men
Jesus for the love of God can we please swallow our pride and if you like something on another woman just go tell her! Every woman on this planet is self conscious, so if you think she’s beautiful friggin walk up to her and tell her!! If you like her outfit, tell her. If she looks good in her swimsuit tell her! No one would ever be mad if your giving them a genuine compliment. I do it all the time (only if i mean it) and its always well received. It has happened to me in the reverse- i have thought god i look awful in this and someone will say how good it looks and you feel so much better about yourself. So knock off the bull shit and share your comments with other women!
4. Exercise Daily
Sorry if your not into this one but get the hell up and do something everyday. I have been exercising for the last 17 years and i cannot imagine it not being a part of my life. I could go on for days how exercising has changed my entire life, but ill make it brief. First, i need to tell you, find something YOU like, not the latest and greatest studio, what feels good to YOU. Wether it be just walking – perfect then thats what you do. Do not dare feel like anything you do isn’t good enough. You do you, you have to like it, if you don’t you’ll never keep up with it. Try different studios if your just starting out to see what you like. Whatever you do don’t give up, remember baby steps add up and one day you’ll have one huge step accomplished! Exercise makes me a better person in so many ways which therefore I’m always happier, never tired, have better relationships with others because I’m more positive because of my workouts. There is way more to it – but i said I would keep it brief and I didn’t. Ok Last point I almost forgot … anxiety sufferers, exercise is a amazing for that. Over time your anxiety can become a distant memory. (I am referring to your everyday anxiety, not extreme cases) That i always recommend seeing someone first, then incorporating exercise, but listen I’m no M.D. I’m just a hairdresser with some good ideas.
5. Stop Dieting
HA! I know everyone is probably like “hahahahaha” GOOD ONE! On this one, but seriously lets get real for one minute. Any diet you ever did are you STILL doing it? Can you see yourself doing it till the day you die. Listen the answer is no, you don’t even need to say it. Imagine yourself at 80 … “is that Keto friendly ?” Aint happenin. So my advise to you is to become educated on food, and live a balanced lifestyle. That’s something you can and will continue to do for the rest of your life. ( if you choose to ) Then there is no falling off the wagon, because you were never on a wagon! You can eat whatever you want in life, food is here for you it’s not your enemy, against popular belief. I eat whatever i want, now am i eating cheesesteaks for lunch everyday no, but i will if the situation presents itself and if i even WANT that. Once you stop depriving yourself you’ll be able to say nah I’m not in the mood for that today and shockingly to even my surprise you’ll start to want to fuel your body with healthier choices. Back to number 4 – when you exercise you’ll also WANT to eat healthier. It’s a domino effect.
6. Stop Negative talk about yourself and others
What you give out you get back. If you keep wondering why your life is full of negativity perhaps you need to really open your eyes to your own everyday talk about yourself and or about others. Now listen i am so guilty of this don’t get me wrong, but next time you want to maybe send a text “ oh so and so is sooo annoying” Just delete it. Where is it going to get you, no where. Like your mother once said “ if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all” Well ladies as we all know and found out the hard way .. Our mothers were always right! Ha! Well not always. Anyway I’m truly guilty of this and i do work on it daily. Also think of how you treat people day to day, the man who gives you your coffee, the cashier, etc. Are you always treating them with the respect they deserve? Just food for thought… think about it.
7. Try saying NO
This one is so hard for me. I am a people pleaser. Always wanting to help people which is a good thing and sometimes not so good. My mother once said to me “ Jo we are put on this earth to help people” While agree with that whole heartedly, there is also a time for you to say no. I now try to say to people” can i get back to you?“ That gives me time to think , do I BILLI JO really want to do this? Will it make my life harder, how will this effect ME or my family by saying yes. Sometimes you just need a minute to think it over. You don’t HAVE to say yes to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that asks you for a favor. ( I had to add the Tom dick and Harry line in – my mother uses that expression ALL the time) So think it over before you spread yourself to thin, and see how good it feels to say no. Yes we are here on earth to help others but we are not here to be Martyrs either.
So listen moral of the long story is you are amazing exactly the way YOU are. STOP trying to fit in a box of what you think society wants you to be like, just be yourself! STOP letting some stranger in a magazine make you feel less superior or some chic on instagram. STOP thinking horrible things about yourself, talk to yourself you would a stranger for one day and you’ll be shocked at how bad you usually talk to yourself. For fu**Ks sake be kind other women!!! Hate to break it to all of you WE ARE EQUAL. No one is better then you and trust me no one is beneath you, no looks or all the money in the world can make someone better the YOU. So stop the bullshit, tell yourself today I LOVE. YOU, exactly as you are. If there is something you want to change well shut the hell up and change it for Christ’s sake, and stop bitching about it. ( Too harsh ??) You get one ride on this rollercoaster of life make it your best. Hold your head up high, have confidence ( even if you have to fake it at first) treat other people with respect, that means EVERYONE, and enjoy this gift of life.
Here’s to a NEW YEAR and the same glorious, beautiful, unique YOU!
*Disclaimer: I am not perfect. I know, i know , your all thinking oh my god yes you are Billi-Jo , but I’m here to inform you that indeed i am not. So that being said i do all of these above suggestions most days and some days go to shit and i don’t do any of them. I am now just aware “ hey today aint the day” and i pick up the next day my best foot forward and leave yesterday in the past. Don’t give up. Love you all, and I want nothing more then the best for you. Best of luck on your new journey of life this New Year.